Don't Be that Guy... Please!

Okay, with the annual fantasy draft fast approaching (current Countdown Clock: 96 hours, 54 minutes, 32 seconds), here are some of my picks for "That Guy" not to be on Draft Day.

1. The "I'll take (insert name of player who has already been drafted)" guy. I know him. You know him. We all know him. Maybe this dude is just too deeply engrossed in either his own draft rankings or Jess's delicious homemade baked goods, but he definitely hasn't been listening to who has been drafted. Or, maybe he's so over excited about a particular player (Sv and LT sitting in a tree...) that he can't bear the thought that his beloved running back might have been already drafted by someone else. In any event, we make the draft board for a reason. Please check it out before you announce your pick, and it's not in plain view, it is OK to ask the group "Has so-and-so been drafted yet?" We might make fun of you for not paying attention, but it will be significantly less ribbing than if you draft someone who's already taken.
* Special exception for people who are particpating remotely when someone (yours truly) forgets to type who was just drafted into the AOL buddy chat. You try keeping track of your own picks, womaning the draft board and running the buddy chat. It is not an easy task.

2. The "I announce my pick when it isn't even my turn" guy. Yep, again, we all know this dude. Pretty much the same reasoning as above, but this move is particularly egregious towards the end of the draft. We've been going in the same order all day-- by the 8th round, you probably should at least remember who drafts before you. I'm just saying.

3. The "I'm going to take all of the time I have on the clock and then announce the most obvious pick available" Guy. Don't waste our time. If you have the first pick in the draft, we all know who you're going to pick. Just do it and move on. Trust me, you really don't need to take your entire 120 seconds. Announce it early and use your down time to eat some of Crunchy's chex mix or grab a drink. We'll all appreciate it.

4. The "I don't know what to do here" Guy. [Savvy readers will recognize that quote from the old lady in the casino in Swingers. One of my favorite lines in the movie, but I digress]. This dude is exactly like that Granny at the Blackjack table. Usually it's late in the draft, when most (if not all) of the "good" guys have been taken. Maybe our pal hasn't done much research on sleepers, or maybe there's a "he could be great or he could be the worst player in the history of football" player up next on his rankings. In any event, looking to the rest of us for assistance probably isn't the right move. We're secretly hoping that you draft the questionable player and that he blows out his knee in the first game of the season. Just go with your gut, and when in doubt, double down on 11. Always double down on 11.

5. The "I drafted a Lion and am now trying to justify it to the rest of the league owners" guy. When you draft a Lion, don't try to tell us all how good he is going to be a) in his rookie season or b) after he rehabs his injury. Sadly, we all know these are pretty much the only possibilities when a Lion is involved. We all know this is just a sad attempt to justify the pick (and even being a Lions fan) to yourself. Even though most of us are in that pathetic group, there really is no justification. If you draft a Lion, just shake your head and move on. That's what the rest of us are going to be doing anyway.

6. The "You picked that guy?? You're an idiot" Guy. I put this guy on this list to illustrate a point for both my male and female readers. I'll set the stage: last year when a certain twin sister of mine (who shall remain nameless) drafted Peyton Manning in the first round of the draft. Personally, I thought it was a solid pick. All of the best RBs had been taken and she was drafting relatively late into the first round. Plus, Peyton had been her guy last year, so I couldn't fault her. Upon her announcing the pick, one of the guys in the room immediately started laughing and Jess got a little upset. Upon further reflection, we realized that this is one of the complications that comes into play when you have a guy/gal league. Even though we gals do our research and come to play, every once in a while, we can feel insecure about our place in the fantasy sports world. Guys are used to giving one another a hard time, so they don't mean anything by a little teasing or sarcasm. Let's all just agree not to take anything said at the draft personally and to keep things good-natured and we should be OK. Can't we all just get along?

7. The "Damn! You just picked the guy I was going to draft" Guy. With the exception of the later rounds, it is probably safe to say that most of us have similar draft orders. Sure, there's always one owner who ranks certain players or certain teams higher than others (Crunchy drafting Vikings? Well, I never...), but for the most part, we're all on the same page. We know this dude. Following the previous pick, he takes a few seconds to complain that the player who was just drafted was his next pick, and then furiously flips through pages of research and the Sporting News in an attempt to come up with a suitable alternative pick. We've all been there, but taking out your frustration on the previous owner is only going to make that person feel better about their pick (and enjoy the added bonus of screwing you over).

Ok, Game On. In case you were wondering, this is More Cowbell's year. Series start game 7.

Ry

PS. Do you think it's wrong for me to spend some significant work time doing research for my team this week? Cool. Neither did I. :)