A Moron's Guide to Temperature Control...

I just spent a significant portion of my work day arguing with our assistant (read: moron) regarding the proper way to adjust temperature. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it was the mental equivalent of banging my head against a wall or impaling my chest with a blunt object. Honestly, guys, I felt like Gus Ferotte.

Here's how it went:
Moron: It's freezing in here!! I need to turn the air conditioning down.
Ry: (to self, "It's 72 degrees. That is NOT freezing") Out loud: Uh, whatever.
Moron: So, if I want it to be warmer, I press the 'down' button, right?
Ry: No. If you want it to be warmer, press the "up" button.
Moron: Well, when Jeff (ed's note: Jeff is her husband... yet to be determined if he is also a moron, but from what I've heard, the chances are good) does the thermostat at home and it is too cold, he turns down the temperature.
Ry: Does it get colder when he does that?
Moron: No, the heat turns on.
Ry: Well, you either have a backwards thermostat or you don't really know what he's doing because that doesn't make any sense. If the air is on and it's too cold in here, bump up the temp a little bit and the air will click off. It will turn the blower off and it will take a little bit for it to get up to the temp you put it at. If you lower the temperature, it thinks you want the room to be at that temp, and it will kick up the a/c to get it there.
Moron: No, that's what it does for heat. Air conditioning is different.
Ry: (unable to hide my frustration any longer) Look, it will do whatever it needs to do to keep it at the temperature you put it at, heat or cold. No difference.
Moron: (actually gets out the book that came with the thermostat and pushes some buttons) Okay, I have it now.
(Blower TURNS ON)
Ry: Did you turn the heat on?
Moron: (LONG PAUSE) No. I just adjusted the temperature.
Ry: WHATEVER.

Of course, when I went over there, she had turned the heat on. Seriously, I don't know how people get through life. Perhaps I should do what Sv suggested and "give her a shiny piece of tinfoil to look at, or perhaps some Brio blocks. And make sure she has her safety helmet and harness securely fastened before she takes the short bus home."

End Rant...
-ry