Diary of... THE BACHELOR!
It’s that time again, folks... Monday night 10PM... otherwise known as Bachelor Time. J and I decided to keep a running diary tonight, so let’s let the games begin. Previously... some glamor shots of Dr. Trav and Paris. Boring. All the girls hate Moana. Teacher sara almost cries because she hates her so much. J asks me "do you still think he’s cute?" Grudgingly, I say, "Yeah." She does too. Tonight- the women get the SURPRISE of their lives!! Yes! The ladies join Chris in the mans. Chris calls Dr. T the bach like he doesn’t know his name. Have they replaced the real Chris with some kind of Robotron? Let's keep an eye on that, shall we?
If you want to read the rest of my running commentary, check the comments.
Peace Out.
-ry
posted by ry at 8:05 PM
1 Comments:
Someone they know quite well gets to decide on the group/individual dates– AND IT IS... (DRUM ROLL) JENNY AND SHILOH! The girls are shocked and terrified according to SaraTN. Jenny is wearing a coat that looks pretty similar to tapestry. Is she trying to blend into the wallpaper? Sara the teacher interviews sees herself married to Trav b/c they’re the “same person”. The idea of getting married to yourself reminds me of that SNL skit for the faux-Match.com where people actually date themselves. (When Keenan's like, "You just jealous..." On to Jihan who admits that she is “older” at age 29. 29. Okay. For the record, a friend of J’s friend worked with Jihan at the MAC counter. Nice. During her interview, Tara is drunk. Jen’s quote on DrunkTara: “Oh she’s 22 years old and she’s drunk.” True, Jen. True. The gals judge Susan while interviewing her b/c she wants to be an actor. Everyone’s excited about talking to Moana. They ask her if she’s scared and Jenny says “you should be.” Uh, yeah, those 2 are scary. They’re insulting Moana b/c she’s not “travis’s type.” She’s my favorite for sure. She doesn’t want to play their game... oops. Spoke too soon. Moana is almost crying b/c she can’t “grasp what she’s feeling.” Damnit. I thought she was the only one that had some sense. Too late. Even bitchy Jen looks like she’s sorry for calling Moana out.
Meanwhile, Dr. Trav packs a picnic basket. In goes a bottle of wine and some grapes that look fake. Is that what you’d put in a picnic basket? Plastic grapes? Not a very fun picnic if you ask me.
Jihan gets the first individual date. “Vitamin Sales” is her occupation which J determines is working in sales at GNC. Jihan and Dr. Trav go to a farmers market and he makes her purchase food while he goes into a jewelry store speaking TERRIBLE French. He asks about some Eifel tower jewelry. OOH! Jihan is “hiding something in her past!” A SECRET THAT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING. Commercial...DAMNNIT! Cheezy music and Paris skyline porn. Dr. T doesn’t know how to open a wine bottle. What kind of ER doc doesn’t know how to use a corkscrew? Dr T gives Jihan a necklace with the Eifel tower. Accd to T, “People will be like, “Why is she wearing an Eifel Tower around her neck?” Will they? Do you think anyone would even notice of care? On to relationship talk... she was “actually married.” Dr T drinks some wine...he’s noticeably surprised. Apparently, her husband married her to stay in the country! No other explanation as to why they got married, how long they were married, or anything. Strange. He is “taken aback” by her being married at age 25, but they’re on their way to their “next surprise.”
Back at the house. Sara Canada is wearing a jeans vest and a weird shirt-dress. Sara TN is glad she’s not going on the group date b/c that means she’s going on an individual date. Wow- the powers of deduction on this gal. What a smartie. On 2nd thought, that probably makes her the smartest person in TN. Dr. T says that above the ET is “definitely a five deep breath moment.” Is that a medical term or something? I’m confused. It was “shocking” for Dr T to find out that she was married. Dr. T doesn’t want to give her the rose tonight, but wants her to hang around while he spends some more time with the other girls. That’s harsh. Stay until he finds out if he likes someone more than he likes you? Harsh-tastic. Side Note: I bet a zillion dollars that DrunkTara “Retail Sales” works at Victoria’s secret. Jihan sits the gals down to tell them that she was married before. Accd to Susan it was a “bomb.” What is the big deal? J and I just don’t see it.
Girls go on a group bike riding date. DrunkTara says, “Is that our boyfriend” upon Dr Trav knocking on the door. “Our boyfriend?” DrunkTara feels a lot of pressure to get to know him. If I were her, I’d be more worried about being able to ride a bike while drunk. Whoever wins the bike contest gets a “special surprise.” Moana interviews that she is “game on” and “stoked” to race. J says “I miss when people iddn’t have to wear bike helmets. They look so stupid. I’m glad I don’t have a bike so I don’t have to wear a helmet.” Moana wins!! And the special surprise is.... Damn. They’re not telling us yet. Back at the mans, Sarah Tennessee gets the one on one bc the girls who picked were her friends. She has huge curlers in...making her look even more like a Southern beauty queen reject. SarahTN and Jihan keep pronouncing “Montmarte” MONT-MART. Um, yeah, that’s it.
Back to the spa... it's time for the victor to claim her prize... a “little secret” according to Dr. Trav. A couple’s massage! Side cleavage from Moana. Also, for the record, she has a huge back tattoo. Yuck. Trav says “at some point” he’s going to have to ask her some big questions.... He wants to knwo “how she became who she is.” How do you answer that question? Neither J nor I can figure out if Moana really likes him. Here goes DrunkTara again... wondering if Dr. Trav sees the “Shadyness” of moana. The girls realize that at the bottom of the pool they can see into the room where they’re having massages. How convenient that they all have goggles. SarahCanada doesn’t like that Moana is getting Dr. Trav’s attention. The girls are horrified that they’re holding hands. They don’t get why nobody in their house likes her and he does. Um, this isn’t a contest to be best friends with the girls. DrunkTara laments the fact that “our boyfriend” is gone. Poor DrunkTara. What do you want to bet that she drowns her sorrows in another glass of champagne?
Dr. Trav goes to pick up SaraTN and also mispronounces Montmarte. Hello? Someone give these people a French pronunciation guide. S’il vous plait? Is that a poncho? A sweater? A sweatcho? An Anthony Hopkins-esque crazy artist does a portrait of Dr. Trav and Sarah. Dr. Trav calls him “the mad scientist.” Hilarious.
Back at the mans, Susan says she’s wasting “way too much energy” trying to figure out Moana. Why do these girls keep setting her up to be a psycho? Moana is listening at the door while they all talk bad about her. Apparently, one of them would vomit if Moana gets picked. WTF? Moana is like Trish- Version 2.0... sure, she still has the cattiness of Trish with the other girls, but it’s not like she’s going around telling people that she wants to marry the bach b/c he’s rich. Jihan calls her out for “hogging” Dr. Trav on the date to the French Riveria. Isn’t that part of the game? Moana gets upset, leaves the room and interviews that “she’d rather have a connection w/ him than them.” Well said.
Back to the date- I didn’t realize that they actually had red and white checkered table clothes in France. Cool! SaraTN and Dr. Trav are enjoying a somewhat awkward dinner... Dr. Trav complements her for being a teacher. He says she has surpassed his expectations... sounds like he’s about to let her down easy. He says, “I think you do have to go home... BUT, I was hoping you might take me with you.” That was HARSH! J and I did NOT see that one coming. We still don’t see any romantic spark.
Coming up after the breka...Why is Dr. Trav wearing bandanas all the time now? Did someone tell him that was a good idea? It was not and they were wrong. Following the commericals, Dr. Trav bikes over to the house to hang with the girls. DrunkTara and her ever present green Gap shawl greet Dr Trav. I have that shawl too and I like it as much as the next guy, unless the next guy is DrunkTara, apparently. Dr. Trav interviews while leaning against his bike awkwardly that this is his last chance to decide on which girls he gets to go home with. Jihan and Dr. Trav chat, but it seems clear that he’s sending her home. Dr. Trav goes on a “Moana Hunt” and finds her writing in her journal- how cliche. She tells him that all the girls are being critical of her and that she was hurt by them talking bad about her. Neither J nor I can tell if Moana is being serious when she goes on and on about how much she likes Dr. Trav.
On to the ROSE CEREMONY... SaraCanada is wearing weird gauchos (she's what P-Diddy might call "Yourself in the gauchos"). When Chris says “there’s no cocktail party” DrunkTara is noticeably upset. She is clearly in this for the open bar and not to find a boyfriend. Here comes Dr. Trav to hand out the roses... He says that “each of you is beautiful on the inside and out.” Cheesy. SarahCanada gets the first rose and DrunkTara is clearly pissed. I do like her necklace though. Susan gets Rose #2. Looks like J and I called this one with DrunkTara and Jihan heading home... The last rose goes to...Dr. Trav calls Moana and DrunkTara’s jaw hits the ground. She smirks to the other girls and looks like she’s trying to make herself cry. Jihan feels like if she weren’t married before, she would have gotten a rose. I guess that's reason enough to not have a green-card marriage. DrunkTara interviews that she’s in complete shock... she didn’t think she was going to get picked but MOANA?? The horror! She tells Dr. Trav that someone is fooling with his head. He’s like, “Uh, okay, whatever.”
NEXT WEEK... back to North America for a round of hometown dates! Looks like he’s getting along pretty well with SaraTN’s kindergarten class, but not so well with the ‘rents. Interesting... I think J is doing the recap next week...
6:25 AM
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