A Moron's Guide to Temperature Control...

I just spent a significant portion of my work day arguing with our assistant (read: moron) regarding the proper way to adjust temperature. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you it was the mental equivalent of banging my head against a wall or impaling my chest with a blunt object. Honestly, guys, I felt like Gus Ferotte.

Here's how it went:
Moron: It's freezing in here!! I need to turn the air conditioning down.
Ry: (to self, "It's 72 degrees. That is NOT freezing") Out loud: Uh, whatever.
Moron: So, if I want it to be warmer, I press the 'down' button, right?
Ry: No. If you want it to be warmer, press the "up" button.
Moron: Well, when Jeff (ed's note: Jeff is her husband... yet to be determined if he is also a moron, but from what I've heard, the chances are good) does the thermostat at home and it is too cold, he turns down the temperature.
Ry: Does it get colder when he does that?
Moron: No, the heat turns on.
Ry: Well, you either have a backwards thermostat or you don't really know what he's doing because that doesn't make any sense. If the air is on and it's too cold in here, bump up the temp a little bit and the air will click off. It will turn the blower off and it will take a little bit for it to get up to the temp you put it at. If you lower the temperature, it thinks you want the room to be at that temp, and it will kick up the a/c to get it there.
Moron: No, that's what it does for heat. Air conditioning is different.
Ry: (unable to hide my frustration any longer) Look, it will do whatever it needs to do to keep it at the temperature you put it at, heat or cold. No difference.
Moron: (actually gets out the book that came with the thermostat and pushes some buttons) Okay, I have it now.
(Blower TURNS ON)
Ry: Did you turn the heat on?
Moron: (LONG PAUSE) No. I just adjusted the temperature.
Ry: WHATEVER.

Of course, when I went over there, she had turned the heat on. Seriously, I don't know how people get through life. Perhaps I should do what Sv suggested and "give her a shiny piece of tinfoil to look at, or perhaps some Brio blocks. And make sure she has her safety helmet and harness securely fastened before she takes the short bus home."

End Rant...
-ry

Celebrity Dirt

For those of you (Tyson) who haven't read US Weekly lately, here are few tidbits of celebrity gossip to enjoy:

-- Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin had their second baby over the weekend. Nope, he's not named after another fruit or veggie. His name is Moses. Moses Martin. Could that sound more ridiculous? Besides, imagine the daily dialogue at the Paltrow-Martin household: "Umm... I can't have lunch with you today because Apple has field trip to the orchard and Moses has a baby swim class... no, I don't think they practice parting seas in baby swim classes, but I'll find out..." "Moses, stop picking on your sister." "Apple, you got to use the blue cup last time, Moses gets it this time." HELLO?

-- Also, apparently, Chris wrote a song called "Moses" for Gwyneth, but since when is it cool to name your kid after a song you wrote? I mean, think about if they'd decided to name him "The Scientist" after the best Coldplay song ever:
GP: "This is my son, The Scientist."
Person: "Wow, he's a little young to be a scientist, isn't he?"
GP: "Not really, he's been The Scientist since he was born."
Person: "Impressive. My kids just play with toys and watch TV. Maybe I should start doing more yoga or eating a macrobiotic diet or something. It seems to have worked for you."

-- Anyone else wondering if Katie Holmes is having twins? Girlfriend is LARGE.

-- Two of my favorite Matthews (McConaughey & Fox) are filming a movie about the Marshall football team following the plane crash that killed most of their team back in the 70's. I guess we know what Dr. Jack is doing instead of filming "Lost" since they've only had 2 new episodes this season (or was it 3?)

-- Apparently, a feud is brewing between Naomi Campbell and Diddy (that's Rap/fashion/making the band mogul, P-Diddy, not to be confused with Draft Day BBQ Host/Bowl Game Party Sponsor/LOTR Trivial Pursuit Champ, T-Diddy). Although, Naomi has better fighting skills (she has demonstrated that she's mastered the whole, "using your cell phone as a weapon" technique in past fights with her maid); Diddy could buy and sell her. Advantage: Diddy. Incidentally, I'd also give T-Diddy some pretty good odds over Naomi.

-- If you want to see a trailer for possibly the scariest/wierdest/most random "movie" (and I'm using that term in the broadest sense of the word) ever, watch this. Hell, even reading the synopsis should freak you the hell out. And, for the record, yes, that is Bjork, and I do know that "nothing is remotely related to Bjork. Ever."

Hope that will suffice until the next issues of People and US Weekly are on stands. :)

-- ry

PS. Song of the day (because I can't get it out of my head and let's face it, it rules)- "Touch the Sky"- Kanye West.

That's right- I'm back!

First, insert requisite apology here about how I haven't posted in forever... I'm so sorry to my loyal readership, blah, blah, blah. I think I've decided that I'll post as often ABC airs new episodes of "Lost". So, I'll catch you suckas in 2008! Only kidding! Read on, loyal readers...

Please join me in observing a moment of silence for my NCAA bracket... Thank you.

Okay, let's get to it:

-- Two seriously underrated movies are "Can't Hardly Wait" and "Adventures in Babysitting." They both are pretty hilarious and have some great lines ("So, he's kinda tall, he has hair and wears t-shirts... sometimes?" "Yeah, but he's PRESTON! PRESTON!" and "Can you drop us off at the nearest mall?" "A Mall? Where y'all think we at? Boisie Idaho?") Plus, the latter stars a pre-West Wing Bradley Whitford as Chris the Babysitter's A-hole boyfriend. Priceless. (Speaking of Bradley Whitford, does anyone else think that Josh & Donna together on WW is a little icky?)

-- Being the boss isn't as fun as it's cracked up to be. Sure, you get to come and go as you please, do your nails at work, take multiple coffee breaks, watch movies at your desk, but... ah, who am I kidding? Being the boss is hella awesome. Can't wait for my boss's next vacation. :)

-- In local celeb news, Eminem is getting divorced again. From his ex-wife. Just goes to show you that rich WT is still WT after all.

-- New guilty pleasure TV show: Lifetime's Cheerleader Nation. Reality TV + catty high school girls + cheerleading competition = GOLD.

-- Song of the day: In God's Country- U2. If you're a U2 fan and you haven't listened to "Joshua Tree" lately, pull it out. Great stuff.

-- ry

PS. Quote of the day:
-Ry (while listening to the radio): "How could one person suck so much?"
-Jess: "You mean Rob Thomas?"
-Ry: "YEAH!"
- Jess: (shrugs)