Moms + Holidays = Trouble

Why is it that moms insist on flipping out every year about having family parties? My mom has been pretty stressed lately with my grandma having surgery and being in and out of the hospital, so my sis and I have offered numerous times to help out. After all, we do cook dinner for ourselves each and every night, watch Food TV, know how to read recipes and everything. :) Every time, mom says not to worry about it. Nevermind the fact that she's called approximately 2,543 times in the last two days regarding the menu for tonight's dinner, which I thought was pretty self explanatory, being that it's pretty much the same every year. One of the coversations went like this:

Mom (at the grocery store): Do you like green bean casserole?
Ryan: Sure
Mom: But do you like green beans better?
Ryan: I really don't care. I like them both.
Mom: (more agitated than before) But if you had to pick one--
Ryan: Honestly, it doesn't matter.
Mom : (getting ready to have a meltdown) Pick one-
Ryan: Well, if someone was holding a gun to my head, I'd say regular green beans... but I'm cool with either one. Really.

Another conversation 20 minutes later between my mom and sister:

Mom: Are you sure we're going to have enough food? We'll have turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, two kinds of green beans--
J: Wait a minute. Did you say two kinds of green beans?
Mom: Yes. Green beans and green bean casserole.
J: Why?
Mom: Because Ryan doesn't like green bean casserole.

I don't??!! What?? Here's the thing... as long as there's turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie (with cool whip), I'm good. I don't really care if the turkey recipe came from Wolfgang Puck or not. I don't care if there are napkins with pilgrims or not. Honestly, I don't care. Oh well, maybe next year we'll be able to get tickets to the game instead.

At least the people who are going to be at the party are the family members I like. And, until my aunt and uncle get back from the game, as my brother says, "it's going to just be one adult and six kids." Gotta love the fact that even though I have malpractice insurance and am making student loan payments, I'm still a kid in certain contexts.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. Bring on the green beans... I mean green bean casserole... I mean green beans... Damnit! :)
-ry

Rant (short one, I promise)

Our assistant has vastly improved her skills (translation: she no longer tells people that my boss is in the bathroom and can't come to the phone, even if she is), even though there was a minor set-back yesterday when she ERASED our client database (yeah, I know... the difference between "save" and "save as" is a pretty tricky business... at least we have a tape back-up system on our computers). I'm getting to the point where I actually trust her enough to give her things to do, however...

Why is it when I give her things to do, they conveniently end up on the bottom of the pile? Just because I have only been a lawyer for approximately 4 days, 4 hours and 14 minutes does NOT mean that my stuff is any less important than our boss's!! I realize that I haven't been in the habit of giving her anything (because I usually do things myself rather than having to give them to someone else who may or may not do it correctly), but I'm doing it now, and she better get used to it. If I give you something marked "important" or "Please do ASAP' I'm not kidding around. It does not mean, "please do something mindless like printing labels for our holiday cards instead" or "Please go make some of your no meat, no dairy, soy enhanced "food" and eat it rather than working". It means get on your horse and get the work done, no matter who gave it to you. There's a new sherriff in town. Deal with it.

-ry

Random thoughts for the day...

Do you ever actually feel like a real grown-up, or do you always feel like at any given moment, someone is going to come up to you at your job and start yelling at you, Scooby Doo style: "Hey you kid! Get out of here!"

Is this Terrell Owens/Desperate Housewives MNF skit everything that people are making it out to be? I mean, do I want to see TO any more than necessary, or for that matter, do I want to see Nicollete Sheridan in a towel? Nope. But, seriously. Is it really something that needs to get talked about incessantly and that people need to flip out about? I don't think it was appropriate, especially when you consider that on the West Coast it was on pretty early in the evening, but you mean to tell me that kids don't see inappropriate things all the time? When I saw "Saving Private Ryan" in the theater there was a 3 year old kid sitting next to me. In my opinion, that kid's parents are the people we should be worrying about not the stupid execs at ABC who just want to push their Sunday night crap show.

On a side, but semi-related to TO note: the funniest thing that ever happened in my family's annual Thanksgiving Day Football game was when my sister and cousin pulled out Sharpies out of their socks to sign the ball after a long TD run. Ouch.

Kashi protein bars are actually good and don't taste like you're eating a rice cake that has been sitting around for 8 years. And, they have 13 grams of protein. That's a lot, right? Also, according to my assistant (who inspected the ingredient list), "at least they use evaporated cane juice instead of refined sugar." Yeah, what she said.

Am I a huge baby because the show Extreme Home Makeover makes me cry every week? I'm not talking about a little teary either, I'm talking about full on crying. It's just that these people's stories are so inspriring. The one where the parents were deaf and the one son was blind, and they paid for the other kid's college? If you don't cry at that, you are a robot.

Was last night really the most shocking board room ever on the Apprentice? I couldn't have been the only one who saw the double "You're Fired" a mile away, right?

As of yesterday (when I received notice from the Office of the Great Seal, and no I'm not making that up), I am a notary public. I'm not sure how this will change my life, but I'm eagerly anticipating all the celebrity that MUST go along with having your name on a stamp.

-ry

Wanted...

So, I'm at court this morning, when I notice a pretty cute nicely dressed guy in front of me in line. Hmmm, I think... maybe a fellow attorney? Well, needless to say, my intentions of starting up some small talk with the aforementioned cutie were quickly dashed when he stepped up to the window to pay court fees and costs and to set up an appointment schedule with a probation officer. Yeah... that could be a bit of a problem.

Anyway, in the interest of finding a guy who isn't a parolee, a work-a-holic, or currently dating someone else, here's a short description of what I'm looking for. Feel free to pass along anyone who fits the following description. :)

WANTED: Single, attractive, intelligent guy with excellent sense of humor seeking woman who can do everything from explaining the West Coast Offense and the "Left Wing Lock" (with or without visual aids) to explaining why Ryan and Marissa are better off broken up that they were together on "The OC". Must like "the Simpsons," spending Saturdays in front of the TV or at the Big House, Trivial Pursuit, hanging out up north on the beach or in the snow, and movies like "Swingers" and "Office Space."

Extra points for: Listening to the Dan Patrick show (double points for having had your email read on the show), being able to cook something more than Kraft mac & cheese, not being scared off by crazy families/friends (not too crazy, just the regular amount of crazy...), being able to quote random 80's movies, knowing when to use "who" and when to use"whom," and dancing with me at social events like weddings.

Points subtracted for: smoking, having a New York accent (and the closely related trait of liking the Yankees), taking non-emergency cell phone calls during dinner or while already on the phone with me, cheating (unless I'm on your team), making fun of me for liking silly girl shows like "Dawsons Creek" and "Gilmore Girls" or the ultimate sin of being an ohio state fan/alumni (which may take someone out of the running entirely, unless he's willing to convert).

Is that really too much to ask for?
-ry

French Pastry Fairy?

Okay, so probably the most random thing ever happened today. When I arrived at work, sitting outside our door was a box of palmiers (the french cookie) with a note on it that read "Saisons Gratins from Laura Bush". I can only assume that it's some kind of inside joke intended for my boss (who is out of the office), but I'm lost.

Three questions immediately come to mind: 1) Why is Laura Bush in my building after hours and how does she know that I like palmiers? 2) Is that really how you say "Seasons Greetings" in French? 3) If I get hungry this afternoon and eat said cookies, does it mean that I'm endorsing the Bush family? Should I hold out for some cookies from Teresa H.K. instead?

-ry

Something positive

I'm still too depresed about the election to really post much about it, but I came across this quote from Howard Dean and thought it was a good message to get out there:

"There is more to politics than elections. Thousands of young people have discovered, as generations have before them, their efforts matter. Their actions matter because by getting in the game instead of staying on the sidelines, they are empowered, whether or not their candidate wins. Historically, whether through the campaign of Gene McCarthy in 1968 or John McCain in 2000, the enthusiasm and hard work waned after the election. This time we cannot let that happen. Democracy is the most highly evolved system of government ever created by human beings. And like everything else we create, it will wither and die unless we nurture it."

If that doesn't cheer you up, well, at least "The OC" is back. :)

-ry

PS. Oh yeah, by the way, I passed the Bar for those of you who haven't heard. It was the only bright spot in my day on Tuesday.