English Mutha F---

Okay, some of you may have seen this hilarious site, www.engrish.com. It is basically a collection of misused English words and expressions. My absolute favorite was a pamphlet for a "Learn to Speak English" class that looked completely normal- it had a picture of a woman on the front smiling, but the text read "Very Fucking English Lesson." You couldn't make that stuff up!!

So, on the Engrish tip, today, I received some junk mail about uh... unlarging a certain piece of male anatomy, and the text of the email was as follows: "One man's religion is another man's belly laugh. Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none. We never get to love by hate, least of all by self-hatred. What is now proved was only once imagined. Nature's Laws are the invisible government of the earth". That's it. No reference to the product or what it does, just a link and that gobledy-gook.

Very fucking English lesson indeed.
-ry

Quick Hits...

-- How much do you think P. Diddy pays his butler, Mr. Bentley? I mean, I'm guessing that carrying around Diddy's umbrella and babysitting the crew from "Making the Band" must make Mr. B some serious bank. On a related note, how fantastic would it be to have your own butler? As my sister J said, "You could be like, Mr. Bentley, I'm going to need another vodka-cranberry. And he has to do it." Brill.

-- As J and Jen have mentioned, I think that the judges should have chosen Kahlen (or however she spells it...) as "America's Next Top Model." I always liked Naima, but at the end when they compared their phots, it was clear to me that Kahlen had more consistent shots. I think what's distracting about her is that in her interviews she looks terrible- like she just fell off a turnip truck or blew in along with some tumbleweed. Does anyone know when the next season of "Project Runway" starts to fill the ANTM void?

-- Is Tom Cruise on DRUGS? Seriously. I refused to watch him on Oprah, but I saw a couple of photos and it looks like he just lost it. How long until Katie Holmes's older brother kicks his ass?

-- "Revenge of the Sith" was actually pretty enjoyable, even for someone who doesn't know/remember much about the older movies. (It was, in fact, better than "Cats" and I will see it again and again... :) I was seriously disappointed that we didn't see anyone dressed in costume at the theater though. Not even a light saber. Annoying.

-- Embarassing fact: J and I actually watched about 5 minutes of "Britney & Kevin Chaotic" last night. I needed a shower. I really think their baby is going to be the stupidest person alive.

-- New download from iTunes: Howie Day's CD "Stop all the World Now"

-- Song of the day (retro): "Pretty in Pink"- Psychedelic Furs

-- Quote of the weekend (Courtesy of Sven): "We're SHALLOW. Have you met us?"

-- ry

Cinco de Mayo!

- Hola amigos! I thought about doing the whole post in Spanish today, but I don't think any of you reading know Spanish and I don't know how much I remember, so I thought better of it. Just for the record though, I do think that for Cinco de Mayo, I should be relaxing somewhere with a Corona in hand... maybe I'll just run to the party store during lunch and get some. Drinking beer at my desk...that's not unprofessional, is it?

-- I went to get new glasses yesterday and it was lots of fun!!! (note the sarcasm). Actually, I didn't really even need new glasses- just new lenses in my existing frames. What I thought would be a short trip ended up as me sitting at DOC for close to a half an hour while "Sales Representative Ingrid" tried to get me to buy into one of their little promotions. I do not need anti-fog coating on my glasses. I do not want to be in the "Eye Club." I do not need frames designed by Hugo Boss, Calvin Klein, or Gucci. I do not need a chain for my glasses. I don't want sexy specs. I repeat, I do not want sexy specs. As the great saying goes, "boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses." :)

-- Cannot wait for tonight's "OC" double header. If the President interrupts it this week, he's going to get what's coming to him...

-- My friend J's blog is pretty hilarious. Check him out- thepatternisfull.blogspot.com. He hits the really tough issues like a recall for Mayor McCheese and why he decided not to pursue a career in rap music.

-- Song of the Day: "Ordinary World"- Duran Duran.

-ry

Oh Happy Day...

Well, it's happened. Finally. Yesterday, our assistant told us that she is (wait for it) LEAVING! Apparently, she's moving out of state and is only going to be here for another month! She said something about how she hopes we can get someone new before she leaves so she can "train" them... Ummm... yeah, I don't think so. Now, just keep your fingers crossed that my boss gives me some input in this process and we don't end up with the friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend kind of situation like this was.

In other news...

-- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have confirmed that they are dating. Holy Mid-Life Crisis, Maverick! Seriously, can you imagine how you'd feel if you were Katie's parents? "Oh yeah, sure, my 26 year old daughter is dating a 43 year old, twice divorced Scientologist with two kids... but at least he was in a movie with Jack Nicholson."

-- Not to be catty, but is Britney Spears the least attractive pregnant woman in the history of the world? As I told J, it's not so much that she's pregnant that makes her look terrible, it's that she's just complete W.T. and no longer has stylists and hair/makeup people following her around to help her cover that up.

-- Kellen Winslow, my last year fantasy football Tight End-- excuse me, I mean bench warmer, was in a motorcycle "accident" over the weekend. Apparently, he was wearing a helmet, but it wasn't strapped on. Prediction: He will go undrafted in the fantasy league this year.

-- How did I ever live without a TV/DVD player in my room? It's sort of like when I first got TiVo... I just can't remember life without it! Now, do you think it would be unreasonable to get TiVo in the bedroom also? :)

-- Song of the day: "Follow Through"- Gavin DeGraw.

- ry