ALL TIMES ARE LOCAL

The following is a conversation I had with my mother while she was vacationing in Italy a few days ago. For the record, I would first like to state that my mother is an extremely intelligent, educated woman. She has both a BA and a JD. I am relatively certain that she has a pretty high IQ. On to the conversation:

- Mom (From Italy)- Buongiorno!

- Ry: Hi Mom!

- Mom: I don't have long because I'm not sure how this calling card thing works, but I had to call you because we've been reading our itinerary wrong. We think our flight arrives at 8:30PM Italy time, not Michigan time and now we don't know who is going to pick us up.

- Ry (in head, to self) There are no such things as "Italy time" and "Michigan time." Should I correct her? Not worth it..." (Out loud, trying to be patient) "Why do you think that?

- Mom: All the other times on the schedule have been in Italy time.

- Ry: That's how it works when you're in Italy. Generally, on itineraries, the times are in local time, depending on where you are. Is the time that it showed you leaving Metro correct?

- Mom: Yes.

- Ry: Then I'm sure you're reading it wrong and the arrival time is in Eastern time which is our time zone.

- Mom: (unconvinced) I don't know, Ryan... I think it's in Italy time.

- Ry: (pulls out copy of itinerary and does some quick math): You leave at 10:30 AM in Italy and then arrive in Atlanta at 3:30. That's only a 5 hour flight. There's no way that's correct.

- Mom: The flight here was almost 10 hours, but maybe it's shorter coming back? It must just be shorter. (To my aunt in the background) Margaret, do you think it's shorter coming back? (unintelligible response). We think it's shorter coming back.

- Ry (starting to get aggravated): Actually, it's longer because of the jet stream.

- Mom: The what now?

- Ry: When you fly east to west it takes longer because of the jet stream. You don't know what I'm talking about? (Stunned silence on the other end) Okay, well, nevermind why, but trust me, it's longer.

- Mom: I don't know, Ryan. I just don't want to be sitting at the airport for 6 hours with your grandma.

- Ry: You're not going to be sitting at the airport with grandma. You'll be on the plane with her. Trust me.

(Long pause by both people)

- Mom: So, if we get in early can you pick us up?
- Ry (defeated): Yeah. Whatever.
- Mom: Buonasera.
-Ry: Whatever.

-ry

- Song of the Day (because I wish I could): "Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode.